It must be nice.
I ponder, and think of how it must be nice knowing what you’re thinking of right now.
Like what goes through your head when certain things happen, the funny things that make you laugh, the song stuck in your head, or even how you feel when you see me. But seriously, it must be nice knowing what you’re thinking of right now.
You see, I dont even know where to begin. So pardon me, for this very unorganized slur of words.
So, a lot has changed over the past few months of my university life. I’ve grown accustomed to many new things. Commuting to school, hour-long breaks before classes, different physical education classes, eating out everyday, living alone, hell, even working out. But none of these new things have affected me more than you.
Much has been said over the few months I’ve gotten to know you. Alright, I may have come off as a sailor-mouthed, goofy guy who makes everyone laugh. Hell, I’ve even been called a flirt, but I’m definitely more than that. I’m not just that guy who makes all of these jokes, and can easily talk to everyone about anything. I’m a guy who you can have a good casual conversation with, a guy you can rely on, a guy you can trust with anything and everything. I’m the guy you can hug whenever you feel down. The one you can hold hands with. The one who you can trust with your most intimate secrets. I wish you’d give me the chance to show you this side of me. Just you and I, hanging out. I wish.
And this is probably the reason why I want to know what’s going on through your mind right now. I wish that the next day, I’d be brave enough to go up to you and ask you to hang out. Grab something to eat. Or even just chill somewhere quiet where you and I can talk endlessly. But I’ve always been the kind of guy who’s too scared to do exactly that. That’s probably why I want to know what you’re thinking. So that I’d know how to talk to you, how to ask you out, how to react to your little gestures.
You may think that’s unfair, but it’s really been hard for me. Even just for a day. I’d like to be able to engage you in conversation that doesn’t have awkward silences, and me having to come up with something just to bring your voice back. I love hearing your voice.
Don’t hesitate. I need to tell myself that. Always. That’s the only way I’ll make progress. The only way I’ll be able to get to you.
Even the small things I do, hopefully, enough for you to know. I really really hope so.
Know that I always notice the small things: what makes you smile, what makes you laugh, and what makes you sad. Know that you’re on my mind always. Know that I do these things to make my presence known. Know. Just know.
